i sat at the corner i didn’t care— the whole class were thrilled the professor or rather a doctor stood in front holding her lousy book with her lousy clothes with her lousy hair lousy smile and of course a lousy make up i remembered a middle age woman hosted a Tupperware party in my aunt’s house
“what are you doing?” she said. i was surprised. She used to have a lousy shrill too. ” Mr Bruce , may I have your attention for one hour or else you will be standing here in front for the whole semester.” I sat straight and looked at her. She already grinning. “Where is your module?” she got me there. I thought. Why would I bring that lousy module she authored. It look like she teach a grade schooler with the yellow cover book for kids. “I forgot Ms L.”, of course her name doesn’t start for L and of course I wouldn’t tell her it stand for a million lousy of her. “you had half a dozen of books on your desk and you hadn’t take mine with you.” Keats Dickinson Crane Twain chrichton Ludlum ” Foundation of Education. How much?” I said and look already sideway toward the window. ” What did you say?”. She walked toward me. Her cheek were red along with her eyes. “How much?” her face changed quickly to a friendly manner
” lets talk business after class.”
The whole class attention drifted sleepily as she talked for another 45 minutes. My mind was outside somewhere at the woodland ocean river somewhere far and the foundation of education module I know she copy-paste at uncle google and put her name BIG at it and bragged, “i authored lots of school book on this campus. And I’m a doctor.” my fellow classmates i know and classmates i only know with their faces with their mannerisms with their yawn and grunts whom i walked alongside in the corridor sat in the cafeteria and did not bothering to say hi hardly held the book at their hand to avoid a crease that’s the last time i seen the lousy professor dropped my subject under her soon she said dismiss. i walked out without looking at her face what a shame i wont forget those lousy day a freshman in college an aspiring deanslist for the next semester got a failing grade from a lousy mentor she passed a failing grade at the registrar big time intent and in broadway a stain on my curriculum vitae okay i decided to decorate it with lots of fail grades drops incomplete etceteras & etceteras college is much better but i had to deal lots of people like her people talk like her people walk like her people you taught i think i’ve seen Hitler a Hitler who took everything anything even a penny on your trouser even a candy bar on your shirt pocket even your passion and even your dream people who butcher people who can kill in an instant not physical but in one way or another it took me ten years to finish college it took me ten lonely years but had no regret read the book than listen to lies one step at a time you see how strong you face the monster the world had created perhaps right at this moment right at the chair where i sat not long ago perhaps another skeptic, like me would say “what the craft…. Is this an insurance policy seminar?”
We are on the upper deck of the boat traveling the black water of Celebes we talked about the latest rock band Have you heard their songs? O asked Yes, I answered observing the stars solemnly never seen this near before It is Eraserhead, damn it’s cool Yeah but I like Yano, I said They wore black t-shirt, and red Robertson shu I like your shu, it’s reeed, O said excitedly Yeah, but I prefer blue, I answered How much is your shu? I just don’t know, I said It’s red man. It’s red We opened tanduay rum Check this out K. I don’t drink O. Yo with red Robertson shu, Yo wore black shirt, a puma with a fierce blue eyes, imprinted on it ripped jeans and you dunt drink I reached the glass and took a shot shit It burns, I coughed and we laughed under the gleaming trillion stars Check this out K. I don’t smoke O. what the heck, yo had hairdo of the hippie and yo dunt smoke it is the 90s and Eraserhead sung Huling El Bimbo, the last El Bimbo in MTV Asia. Look like they got best alternative of the year. Said some kind of award shit it burrs K, we have grass, D took it on the park. Elmer stick. Have you seen him K.? Never seen a stick man before Then we laughed again harder red cigarette, drinking rum in the sea not do the grass, damn that grass then I looked at the black sky touching it, I am still lonely c’mon little bro, sing with me O. had a guitar on his hand we sung O Pare Ko ( hey brother) Hey, K, I heard yo do college. O. asked, lighted a cigarette I do English course O. OK noticed yo always reading something K, why I don’t know — I thrown my gazed over the horizon the cold wind drifting over The night is growing deeper and the boat slipping into darkness
I grab my thick jacket and place it on my bed anytime soon, you’ll experience your first winter I mean, dry winter Fernando said. The eagle on our group of Filipino contract worker in Saudi desert sometimes, this storm took days and when it done cold crawl deep in your bone your nose and ear will bleed we stayed inside the cabin watching BBC lights switch off in the middle of the day with our bonnet on our head I went outside to see what it looks like my mouth open in amazement hair dance wildly sandstorm is— an army of legions drifted slowly in the battlefield sands against sands gods against gods
The wind had knocked the bell in the citadel Blows cold and bird flutters, looking for haven Dry leaves started to fell, waltzes The soil awaits, observing the sky Cornfield bows, its tendril kisses the hibernating moss in the ground The rain came and almost everything Had exclaimed, O it rain Sometimes at late night, it knocked soft on our roof As if a raven poke its beak on our window pane We smiled and rolled to other side The rain came and we wore our Thick clothes, from our closet, a mug of freshly brewed coffee, when it would be over, hope it won’t stop, and let it pour Take the half finish novel on the table, read as it beat and hooves and we just nothing to say and listen how we were so silent Letting the rain to sneak around.
on a long hot summer of the 90’s facing the sea over Pacific underneath the big ancient canopy, stretch twigs to a deathly pale finger a kingfisher spread its wing down the burnt exposed dead coral the rumbling of the far crest of white foamy gust shutters, shooting upward I am there sitting silently in a protruding land pile alone all alone wishing I had a cup of tea on my palm while I enjoyed the serene song of gail wind of May that rhyme with the kettle snoozing at the cold kitchen but whoever he can stop the clock from ticking nor hush the raven that visit unexpectedly at night life crawl even if you want to stay a quite while light were eyes bathe from that youth filled dream turned to ashen memories of cerebral macabre like a rusty can that roll and roll at the lips of the sea not long ago till now like Trojan war echoing immortality the bird marred the carcass of the skeleton oozed on mud mimicry the banshee shriek screeching on the dark wood skeetering like mouse that lost in the hole beside the unclosed old diary now tell me life is always all alone I’m sure of it you came in this world and gone in the grave all alone a soft creaked the door hinge ajar the silhouette of a curious man sat there forever envying the final sigh of Van Gogh hugging the one shot blast that shocks the world in awe